This quote from the book The Beginnings of a Life of Prayer by Archimandrite Irenei is incredibly beautiful and profound. The monastic life is a very unique and wonderful calling. When first looking into Orthodoxy, I was impacted by the ascetic-type lifestyle it encouraged. In a way, all Christians are called to be monastic, to take on Christ's identity as much as we are able. This is not a simple task but one that God is faithful to help us achieve.
"Christianity is a life rooted in Christ's own. Its charge is not to live for self but to live for Christ; and its goal is not satisfaction but transformation. The Christian is called to become, to enter into a newness of life that is another's - that is Christ's. He is to discover the "self" of his current existence, precisely so that he can work to change it into a life not defined by his will, but defined and made real by another - by God Himself. The life in Christ is a life transformation into a new man. It is a life that works toward resurrection, when the body of this death shall pass away and the glorified man will know the Lord of Glory."
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Gal. 2:20
I'm thankful for these people and the rest of our St. Vlad's family who aren't in this picture. :)
Dear Family and Friends,
As the end of the semester draws near, I'm beginning to feel the pressure of finals - final papers, final tests, and all the extra stress that comes along with that.
Along the same lines, as Thanksgiving approaches, my homesickness increases. This will be my first Thanksgiving away from my family, and, I'm not gonna lie, I'm really sad about it. Thankfully, my St. Vlad's family and I are planning to have our own little celebration and cook our favorite foods and share them with each other. My friend, Mirjana, and I have assigned the men to cook the turkey, and we will attempt to cook everything else. Should be interesting but fun! :) I'm grateful for my friends here. :)
Last night, a few of us participated in an informal reflection time led by a fellow classmate. We've had reflection meetings on a couple different occasions this semester where several of us will get together and reflect on what's been going on with us personally during our time here. It's really easy to get caught up in our internal thoughts and struggles and not take the time to process what's really going on in our hearts. The purpose of these meetings is to do just that - reflect. It's really important to talk through what's going on internally and not keep everything inside. Often, many of us are struggling with the same things without even realizing it.
Several topics we talked about during our discussion spoke to my heart, so I would like to share a couple thoughts.
Since coming to seminary, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, I have encountered many unexpected challenges. Personal challenges. Things like feeling inadequate, feeling like a horrible person, etc. Often, I have been faced with challenges that I may never have had to deal with outside of the atmosphere of seminary. Lately, now that the semester is coming to a close, things have been getting more overwhelming, and I have been pretty discouraged, even to the point where I've been asking myself, "What am I doing here?" "Is this really where God wants me?" "Are things supposed to be this hard???"
In our discussion group tonight, we talked about relying on things other than God for happiness and strength. We often focus on "the good ol' days" back when we were "happy" and we think, "If I could just be there again, everything would be ok." Or, we look to the future thinking, "If God would just give me [insert thing here] then I would be happy." Some areas I've been drawing strength from other than God are my parents and my friends back home. While there's nothing wrong with this in general, I have been taking it to an unhealthy level. I keep saying in my mind, "If I could just talk with my parents and be with them for a little while or with my friends, everything would be ok." Or I think of going home for Christmas break, and I tell myself that I will feel normal again and "happy" when I'm back home with the people I love and the place I love. It is so tempting to want to put my trust in the circumstances that I'm comfortable with. I want to run to those places I know well and not face the new, uncomfortable challenges at my doorstep.
Woah! Wait a second, as we discussed last night, what is this mindset saying? What is the goal of all these thoughts that have been going through my head? "Comfort" and "Happiness". Hmm, are those the goals I should be striving for? It was pointed out to the group that when trials come up in life, when we are forced to face something about ourselves that is difficult to face, when we get uncomfortable, we tend to long to return to that comforting place in which we previously resided or long for things that we think will make us happy. We don't want to face struggles or issues about ourselves that aren't pretty, because it's uncomfortable. As our discussion leader pointed out, it's when we are uncomfortable, it's when we are forced to see our undeniable need for Christ and our inadequacies, that we grow. Yes, it's easier to go about our lives feeling good about ourselves and living the way we're used to - comfortably - but God calls us to continually grow more into His likeness. This does not happen easily. Oftentimes, we have to experience discomfort to grow.
Gah, so when I feel discomfort or get discouraged or see something about myself that needs changing, maybe I shouldn't reminisce about the times when I didn't feel that way. Maybe I should be thanking God for the opportunity He's given me to grow in that moment.
I realize that I've been relying on myself a lot lately. I've been looking inside myself to try and answer the many questions I have had about the future and so on. I've been relying on MYSELF to FIX myself. I SHOULD BE SMARTER. I SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS. I SHOULD HAVE EVERYTHING TOGETHER. As hard as it is, through the discussion tonight, I am forced to acknowledge that I have not been searching out answers in the only place they can be found:in Christ. I have been looking at all my inadequacies and feeling sorry for myself instead of seeing my trials and shortcomings as a way to grow. It's incredible that Christ works through the bleakest moments to grow us into his likeness. It's so easy to trust God when things are going well and we feel great about ourselves, but can I trust in him when I am pushed to my limits? When I am the most uncomfortable I have ever been? When I don't feel him or understand how he is working? When everything seems bleak, will I trust him? Wow, what a task. But how wonderful to know that the deepest formation happens through the deepest trials. If I've learned anything at seminary so far, I've learned that growth happens when we stop pretending and start truly acknowledging our shortfalls. Through this acknowledgement, how much more do we understand Christ's grace in our lives? When we trust that he will use the deepest trials in our lives for good.
Last week, we had a seminary-wide Thanksgiving meal. With Advent beginning this week, they decided to celebrate Thanksgiving as a community a little early. After the meal, Fr. John Behr reminded us that it is wonderful to remember and be thankful for all the good things God has blessed us with, but wanted to remind us to also thank God for all the things he has not given us. It is good to thank God for ALL things, for the hard things in life as well. Even the hardest times God uses to bless our lives and bring glory to His name. What an amazing God who knows our needs - the ones that are comfortable and the ones that are uncomfortable.
I'm really grateful for the discussion we had last night. I needed the reminder that God has me here for a reason. He is working even when, no, especially when, life is challenging. I'm so thankful for my time here. Even though I am so excited to be home for a time of refreshment, I am reminded of how important the present moment is. How important it is that I understand God to be the author of my life at every moment, especially when life is tough.
Since this may be my last post until Christmas break, I want to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving! I hope it is a special and wonderful holiday for everyone!
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever!" - Psalm 107:1
I'm happy to tell you that midterms are officially behind me! The last several weeks have been a little insane, to say the least. This week has been more calm, which I am so thankful for!
Lately, campus life has been filled with memorizing countless church history terms, writing several papers, trying to understand Greek, random coffee break excursions, and nights with little sleep. Even in the midst of all these things, I'm so grateful to be learning so much. One of the reasons I came here was to gain a better understanding of the history and life of the church, and I'm definitely getting what I asked for!
I've also had the chance to catch up over the phone and over Skype with some friends and family over the past few weeks. It's always so encouraging to hear from my friends and family back home. Their love and support is so important to me. Special shoutouts to Rach, Abby, Anna, Deb, Hannah, Nana and of course Esther - you all have been such an encouragement to me while I've been here. Also, I really don't know what I would do without the support of my parents. Thanks for listening to my long sh-peels over the phone, my tears, and everything else. And Ben, thanks for keeping up with me even though we're about as far apart as we can be in the U.S.. :) I love you all.
I'm really excited to share with y'all that I will be going on a mission trip to New Orleans in January! Three seminarians were chosen from St. Vlad's to go on this trip sponsored by IOCC (International Orthodox Christian Charities). Seminarians from other Orthodox seminaries throughout the US will be joining us as well. We will rebuild homes for the people who are still reeling from the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina. It's so easy to forget that there are still numerous amounts of people whose lives are in shambles because of this tragedy. I would appreciate your prayers for me so much!
Another thing, at the end of January, before the Spring semester begins, I will be participating in the March for Life in Washington DC! I am so excited to be part of this event! Such a great opportunity.
In this post, I'd like to share something that has been on my mind over the past several weeks (I know, there's always something I'm thinking about). This thought, in particular, is about grief. We've probably all experienced some sort of grief in our life - losing a loved one, dealing with sickness, or even going through a break-up and losing a loved one in that way. There are countless ways in which people encounter grief. I'm not claiming to be a grief counselor or anything like that haha, but I would like to share a couple things that I have learned at St. Vlad's recently.
Over the past couple months I have been working through some grief of my own. Grief that has weighed heavy on me. The kind that you can't ignore. At first, I didn't think to identify my struggle as grief. I tried to pray it away and thought, "This will pass, I'll get over it." The problem was, I wasn't getting over it. In fact, it was getting increasingly worse. I started getting really discouraged and was pretty sure I needed some guidance about the thoughts weighing heavy on my heart.
There is a very sweet man on campus named Dr. Rossi. Dr. Rossi is a clinical psychologist who has been counseling people for years. Before coming here, I listened to his podcasts on Ancient Faith Radio and really enjoyed them. I had no idea I would encounter him here on campus. Dr. Rossi is the psychologist on campus. Since the students all bring their own baggage and often need an outlet to work through things, we are able to set up appointments with him and talk about what's on in our hearts.
As much as I admire Dr. Rossi, I did NOT plan on making an appointment to speak with him about the things on my mind. I'm not sure I'll ever learn that I can't overcome struggles in my own strength. I guess that's a lesson God is continually teaching me. Anyway, I got to the point where my struggles plagued me enough that I ended up meeting with Dr. Rossi. Let me tell you, I'm so glad I did. I would like to share a few things he told me about dealing with grief. They helped me a lot, so I hope they can be a help to someone else as well. :)
First of all, when I told him about my struggles, of course, I cried and was embarrassed. He told me not to be embarrassed and then told me something interesting about tears.
He said I should never be ashamed to cry, because crying is a blessing from God. He told me that there was a study done on tears once, not fake tears, but true, sincere tears, which showed that true "tear water" is toxic. In fact, no one would be able to drink tear water. Crying releases these toxins from the body bringing physical and emotional relief. Tears are meant to be cried. It is healing for the body. So, he said, whenever you need to cry, do it, for tears are a blessing from God.
He also addressed the struggles I shared with him. He said that losing a loved one leaves a void in our heart. Often, by God's grace, we have relationships in our lives to fill that void (though it can never be fully filled by someone other than the person lost or by Christ), but we can lean on others that we love, often friends or family members, to help bandage the wound, so to speak. Being at seminary, I have not had close relationships to fill the void left in my heart. Because of this, that void is like an open wound. He said that because I have not had those deep relationships here at seminary and have had some loneliness, the wound from the grief is very raw. All of a sudden, what I had been feeling made a lot more sense. He went on to say that, unfortunately, you cannot pray enough, go to chapel enough, wish it away enough that the grief will go away. Grief is something that is healed with time. Facing grief, not ignoring it, is what allows healing. He said I should never feel guilty about grieving - I must grieve to heal.
I will be honest, when I went to talk to him, I was hoping for a magic cure that would help my struggles disappear. Dr. Rossi gave me something better - he gave me honesty. As he told me, grief is a cross that sometimes God asks us to bear. God will give us the strength to get through it, but we must be patient with ourselves as we struggle through it, because grief is real.
After the talk, I had a new perspective on my struggles. I knew I was experiencing grief, and I knew there was no way around it. I had to just get through it by the grace of God and, yes, cry about it when necessary! This was hard to hear but good to hear, and he assured me that I would get through it with time.
Sometimes our lives are impacted by circumstances that cause us grief. I'm so thankful for Dr. Rossi's reminder to look at grief as a cross to bear. Even though his words were challenging, they reminded me of how God works in the everyday decisions of life and in our everyday circumstances. The Bible talks often about God's compassion for those who are low in spirit, for those who are brokenhearted and in need of His mercy. I'm so grateful that God is a God who loves to have mercy on us. He doesn't neglect us in our sorrow, although, sometimes it does feel that way. The thing is, God sees the outcome of our trials. He works in our lives through everything that happens and leads us to victory in the end.
I really hope these posts don't give the impression that I'm super depressed at seminary. I truly am enjoying my time here. I have learned so many new things already. I will say that every moment holds a new challenge and stretches me further. Being here constantly challenges me to face the different struggles that come up within myself. I'm so grateful for those opportunities. I really don't know exactly what God is up to through all this, but I know he's working in my heart and in the heart's of others here at St. Vlad.'s
Isaiah 43: 1-3: O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Here's a couple songs that have been speaking to my heart lately:
This will be the my first "spiritual reflection" type post. Hopefully I can convey my jumbled thoughts and share a little bit about what I've learned so far. I honestly don't really know where to begin, but I will do my best. :)
You may be curious about what it's like as a seminarian at St. Vlad's. I've had several people ask me, "What made you want to come to seminary?" And even my fellow seminarians and I ask each other the same question, "What crazy life circumstances made you end up here?" Being asked this question forces me to wonder at it myself, "Yea, Sara, why did you come to seminary?" I think of my life back home - my nice job, my decorated apartment, my car, my friends, my family. I even think about what other roads I could have taken. I could have traveled the world! I could have gone after my "dream job". I could have pursued a number of other things. Why didn't I?
I'm not asking this question to puff myself up by saying "Oh, look at me, I left all that behind and came to seminary" or even that it would have been a bad thing if I had pursued something else. No, I can honestly say that I'm asking this question because I've been struggling with it a lot since coming here, so it's good to have this opportunity to write my thoughts on "paper".
Being here, and even before coming, I have noticed a reoccurring message that God seems to be trying to pound into my head.
That message is "face reality".
Ok....sooo? face WHAT reality?
"The reality of who you are and who I am."
Just a couple of days ago, one of the young men here studying to be a priest gave a homily (sermon) on being in denial of death. He discussed how we are constantly in denial of the fact that we are dying a little more every second of our lives. We try to drown this truth out by any means possible. We look to entertainment and hundreds of other things so we don't have to acknowledge the truth that this life is a breath, that every moment Christ gives us is precious. He talked about how we should not be in denial of death but in denial of this world. If we deny the pleasures of this world, we embrace Christ and are better able to embrace others. The reality is that this world is passing away. Do I love the world, or do I love God?
As Orthodox Christians, we've heard the concept of self-denial, denial of the passions, and denial of this world countless times. I remember when first looking into the Orthodox Faith I read a book called "Way of the Aesthetics." This book was very monastic in nature. I remember reading a section talking about denying yourself of little things, even a hot shower or a second glass of milk, which would be a practical way of telling your flesh no in small ways. My first reaction to this was disgust. Why should I have to deny myself anything? After all, hasn't Christ's death abolished any need to take actions such as this?
After further study of Orthodoxy, I was convicted about why the thought of denying myself felt so abhorrent. Christ's very words were, "Deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow me." So why was the thought of denying myself an extra cup of coffee such a struggle? I began to wonder, "If the thought of denying myself small things is so disturbing to me, then how on earth will I deny my flesh when greater temptations of sin come along? Am I that controlled by my flesh?" This thought bothered me, but it was good because it challenged me to be honest about the state of my heart.
So often in our culture today the idea of following Christ focuses on grace and forgiveness and joy. We tend to run after this thought and think, "Yes! Christ died for me, as long as I make a decent attempt to follow him and trust Him through the hard times, I should be good to go."
But I have to ask myself, is this mindset facing the reality of the message of Christ and the depth of my sinfulness? What are the words of Christ? He undeniably speaks words of love and compassion, but what life did Christ lead, and what was the calling to his followers?
Christ's words are incredibly challenging to me. They can be very hard to swallow for those of us living in such a self-obsessed culture. He does not call His followers to simply believe in him and to live "decent" lives. His calling is radical and involves so much more. In Matthew, Christ says:
"Seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you."
"Broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life."
"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one or love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other."
"You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."
"Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me."
"Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."
"If you love me, you will keep my commandments."
"Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."
These are only a few statements made by Christ, but there are many other similar passages and parables related to this.
What does all this about the words of Christ have to do with facing reality? Christ calls us to a difficult road. It's so easy to "go with the flow" in our American society and in our Christian walks. But the fact is, Christ demands the opposite. Deny yourself. In this world you WILL have trouble. He asks us to leave everything behind. He calls us to love the unlovable. He says blessed are you when you mourn, are persecuted, low in spirit, and when the world rejects you because of your love for Christ. We are called to be counter-cultural, to a life of purity and love and sacrifice, even in the face of hatred (and he promises that we will be hated and worse). Christ also calls us to love our neighbor, to love the unlovable, to be humble, to seek HIM above all else.
Every day I am tempted to live a life that gives into the pleasures of this world. I am called out and sought after by what this world has to offer. It's true that even the seemingly most insignificant of things can manipulate our lives without us even knowing it. That cup of coffee *I have to have,* getting frustrated at a waiter who takes a little too long, or whatever it is. My flesh is in constant demand, and I answer it's ever beckoning call without hesitation, often, without even realizing it.
During orientation, Father John Behr reminded us that facing reality, ultimately, is seeing yourself in light of who Christ is. When we look to Christ who was perfect in love, humility, long-suffering, and every good thing, we can begin to see the truth of who we really are. As Fr. Behr stated, "The height with which we've come to know the Lord comes from how much we've realized our own falleness." As Christ's light shines on our hearts, we are able to see more and more the depth of our sinfulness. We see his incredible goodness and our incredible fallenness. By seeing the reality of who we are, we are able to respond to Christ in humility and find healing and learn to love others with Christ's love.
I have been forced in many ways already to face the reality of who I am in light of Christ here at seminary. It's really hard to face sin because it goes so deep and we don't know how to overcome it. But once we start to acknowledge our sinfulness, that's when healing begins. Christ promises to be with us. He reminds us that he has already overcome death, therefore, we have nothing to fear as we face the many trials that come from seeking after him. This will look different for all of His children as well. He lead me to seminary, but he does not lead all there. I truly believe He meets everyone where they are. No matter where we are in life, God will give us ways of denying ourselves and facing the reality of what he calls us to.
I want to face the reality of what Christ has called me to do in my life. I don't know what that looks like long term or where He's leading me in the future, but all I can do is seek Him. Right now, he's lead me here. All I can do is pray that my life would be based in the REALITY of who I am and who Christ is.
Thank you for bearing with me as I present my thoughts. I know there's a million other things that could be said about this.
I will leave you with this quote:
"No one can put together what has crumbled into dust, but you can restore a conscience turned to ashes; you can restore to its former beauty a soul lost and without hope. With you, there is nothing that cannot be redeemed. You are love; You are Creator and Redeemer." Kontakion 10
Wow, is all I can say. I can't believe tomorrow marks the 5th week of me being here at seminary. It has been a packed 5 weeks. I am definitely on INFORMATION OVERLOAD at the moment.
I talked to my wonderful mother last night who encouraged me to make sure I'm taking time to reflect on everything I've been learning: hints, the new blog post. Thank you, mom, for the important reminder. :) I love you!
I've had the opportunity to attend several church related activities over the past few weeks. The service of the Elevation of the Cross was held at our chapel a few fridays ago. Such a beautiful time of remembering Christ's sacrifice on the cross. It was a wonderful service - the priests were in red, the church was adorned with flowers, and the music was simply beautiful. The words to the hymns were deeply meaningful. I felt so blessed to be part of the singing that night. I went to Manhattan to see a performance by St. Tikhon's Orthodox Choir last week - incredibly beautiful. It made my attempts at singing in our little choir here seem futile, but it was inspiring none the less. This past Monday, me and several other classmates went to a liturgy honoring St. Thecla - a saint known for her chastity and purity of life. Her icon, at a beautiful little church in New Jersey, started miraculously streaming myrrh last week. Her monastery in Syria has been and currently is being persecuted. Please pray for their deliverance. It was really neat to participate in that service.
Theologically, I'm learning so much. Right now, many of my classes are discussing the early church. It's extremely fascinating (and often confusing) to learn about the development of the church. There's so much to learn, and I'm finding that I'm barely going to scratch the surface of the intricacies of everything while I'm here. It's also humbling. I may have said this in my previous post, but it becomes more true all the time, the longer I'm here the more I realize I don't know anything. But you know what, that's really good for me. It makes me question the way I've dealt with past conversations and arguments with such pride in my "knowledge". It's funny though, as many new things as I'm learning here that I believe are important about history and church fathers and the development of church practice, it's great to be reminded that what matters in the end is what (or who) all the facts, knowledge, and information point to - Jesus Christ.
It's been especially interesting to participate in Father John Behr's spirituality classes. One thing he's been drilling into us is that Christ (the Christ spoken of by the apostles and revealed through scripture) is central to everything. Everything points to Christ. Not the Christ who lived, but the Christ who lives and works in our lives right now. I want to expound on this more in a later post devoted to what I've been learning in Fr. Behr's classes. It's definitely worth an entire post. :)
My friends and I have decided to take a road trip to Boston and Portland, Maine over the Fall break (one week from tomorrow). I can't wait to see all the new sights! It's been a dream of mine for a while to go to Maine. Can't believe it's actually going to happen! :D :D
It's amazing the inside jokes and funny little quarks about life at St. Vlad's that pile up around here, such as the strange assortment of food at meals (egg roles and french fries), the constant shortage of toilet paper, sporadic convos about deep life things (like relationships), restaurants that never offer to split checks (seriously, every restaurant we've been to has put our huge group on the same check), solos in music class, and the list goes on; I hope in the future to be able to fill you in on these funny little things. The list grows every day.
To finish up, I want to leave you with some little quotes, pictures, and a sound bite of my experiences here as of late. As always, I miss you all so so much. Thank you for remembering me in your prayers.
Quotes:
"The spiritual life is realizing ever more the depth of your sinfulness. Spirituality is facing reality, facing the reality of Christ and ourselves." - Fr. John Behr
"Every person you meet, you should leave with strength and hope." - Dr. Rossi
"Every moment is a sacrament." - Schmemann
"Learn to see everything in light of Christ - this leads to humility; out of humility we learn to love."
"Tradition does not just look to the past, but to the providential plan of God in the future, it points us to the victory of Christ." - Fr. John Erickson
"Don't worry about the future, you will discover it when it comes." Dr. Rossi
Photo Collage:
Here is a song I recorded by the St. Tikhon choir at their concert:
Hi!! First, I must say that I miss
you all so much!!
I have decided to start a blog to
record and share thoughts from my experiences on this new journey at St.
Vladimir's. I think it's definitely time to give an update since I have failed
to do so up until this point. :) I hope not only to give updates about what
I've been up to in the city, but also share thoughts about what I'm learning
theologically, spiritually, and personally during my time here, and maybe throw
in a few fun topics that will be more of a surprise. ;)
It's hard to believe it's been
three full weeks today since I flew away from Arkansas. In some ways the time
has flown by, and in other ways it seems as if I have already been here
forever. There are about 39 new incoming students this year. A majority of the
students have family on campus; those of us who aren't married tend to do
everything together - classes, meals, studying, walking around, going to
chapel, singing in the choir. Needless to say, we will know each other very
well by the time we all leave here. The group of people here are truly great, and it's awesome to be learning about Christ alongside them. Being on campus is
definitely like being in a bubble. Campus is very small and we have all of our
classes in the same classroom!
A typical day in the life of a
seminarian involves waking up, going to a chapel service, going to breakfast,
going to class for the whole morning, going to lunch, going to another class
after lunch, another service in the evening, then dinner, then often we will
have another class or choir practice or community service or other random
responsibilities that fall into our day. As you can tell, life is very busy. The
weekend is usually a great time to work on homework that piles up during the
week or get away from campus for a bit.
I will say that the bugs around
here are terrifying. The other day while enjoying some tea in the break room
with a couple friends, a cockroach looking thing that was HUGE scurried into
the room. Panic is a great term to use for what occurred when we saw the thing.
Truly disturbing. Thankfully, it's dead now. And only a few minutes ago I
killed a centipede looking critter in my room. I guess you can't escape bugs.
Apparently, there's an illusive figure on the boys floor that kills spiders and
leaves their bodies laying there. Still trying to figure out who the culprit
is. The weather here has been surprisingly hot, but it seems as though the weather
will be getting a lot cooler as of tomorrow, which I know we will all
appreciate much.
The spiritual aspect of life here has already impacted me
so much. I am overwhelmed by the information I am learning (in a good way). I
had several wise people warn me before coming to seminary that there would be
many new challenges I would face, since the devil tends to work extra hard to
hinder people attending seminary and such places. I have found this to be very
true already. I've already had internal struggles come to the surface that I
wouldn't have expected to face, and I’ve only just begun. I can definitely
expect to be stretched by God, and I pray that He will give me the strength to persevere.
Aside from the struggles, I am already learning incredible things about God and
church and history and more. The nuggets of knowledge I have received the past
few weeks, honestly, would be enough for me to think over for a very long time.
The longer I’m here, the more I realize how much I have to learn about myself
and who God is. I feel incredibly blessed to be in a place like this where I
have the opportunity to learn such things. I look forward to sharing some of those
things with you.
I was also EXTREMELY excited to hear that there will be mission
opportunities coming up at the beginning of next year for me to participate in
through St. Vlad’s. More to come on that later. There’s also a pro-life group on campus that I hope to participate in as well. I
just have to say that God astonishes me with His goodness. He truly does know
our hearts and provides for us at the right time. I can’t wait to see what
doors He opens up during my time here.
Oh, and you’re probably wondering how I’m doing in the city…thankfully, campus is in a quaint neighborhood area, so it doesn't feel as suburban. And I've
been enjoying life here so far. Seeing New York City was fun. I do miss
haybales and wide open spaces and car drives with country music and the windows
down and my family and friends and fishing and the fresh air and……ok I miss Arkansas a lot,
but I’m so excited about the new things I’m experiencing here as well. It’s
really neat to be somewhere I've never been before. Everywhere I go is a new
experience.
I’m now regretting waiting so long to give this update since I have so much to say! But I hope this has given you a little idea about
what life up here has been like so far.
I cannot thank you enough for your prayers as I continue to
settle in. I miss all of you back home so much.
I will leave you with this quote from orientation that I
hung on my wall:
“This is the time of discernment to see how the image of
God will be formed in you.” – Fr. John Behr. What an exciting thought to know
God is forming us at this very moment in our lives. Can’t wait to see what He
does, not just in my life, but in the people’s lives that I love so dearly.
